People Reveal The Dumbest Excuses They've Ever Heard

We all make excuses from time to time, we’re all guilty of it!

But sometimes these excuses can be just plain terrible!

If you thought that the ‘dog ate my homework’ excuse was bad enough, you haven’t heard anything yet!

Take a look at some of the worst excuses ever told!

1. Beating around the bush 

This happened in my previous office.

So, one of the female team members had gone on a vacation to Goa. I was the one mentoring her, and had approved her leave from 24th – 27th August.

On 25th August, she sent a mail stating that:

“She had missed her bus on 26th of August, and would catch a bus on 27th of August. So, she wanted an extra day of leave.”

Initially, I was perplexed.

‘How can you miss a bus which is on the 26th and send the mail on 25th?’

I kept thinking about it, wondering if I had missed out on something. I asked my colleagues around and everyone was literally rolling on the floor looking at the mail.

The person in question reported back on the 28th.

When I showed her the email, she denied remembering sending it.

And when I asked the reason for extending her vacation by a day, she kept quiet for a long time and replied, “I am not feeling well. Can I get an off today, please?”

And all the team members burst out laughing.

2. I can’t do it

When my sister was in her teens, she started wearing makeup. My mother never wore much more than a bit of face powder.

One evening my sister has some sort of reason to go out, and she dolled herself up. As it was after supper, my mother asked her to make sure she did her chores before she left.

My sister’s excuse? “I can’t do dishes, I have makeup on.”

We all just burst out laughing. This response has become a nonsensical tag line for any lame reason to not do anything. Don’t want to pass the remote, or get a glass of water? Sorry, no can do. I have makeup on.

3. I’m feeling lazy

My new hire did not show up on his first day. He called in about an hour later, telling me his wife had got into an auto accident that morning on the way to work, and he was at the hospital with her. I did the usual sympathetic reaction: asked if she was okay, etc. I told him to stay with her and just come in the next day.

About an hour after that, his wife called looking for him. When I told her that he was supposed to be with her at the hospital, she hesitated a fraction of a second before replying. I’m not sure if she was just surprised or maybe had a fleeting thought to lie “protect” him. At any rate, she said she was not in the hospital, there was no accident, he does this all the time because he doesn’t want to work, and would I please, please not fire him. I really felt sorry for her, being saddled with such an ass, but I did inform her that the next time she spoke to him, she could tell him not to bother coming in tomorrow.

Another hour passed, and then he called me again. He said that he WAS in the hospital with her, that the accident had given her a traumatic brain injury and she didn’t really know what she was saying or doing. In fact, he was shocked that she was even able use the phone, look up the phone number, and talk coherently with me.

Yeah, right. I fired him… again.

4. How is this believable?

My uncle was a teacher for 35 years. One Monday a student who had always done his homework came up to him and said he didn’t have his work. My uncle thought he was a straight shooter and having taught high school kids for 30 years at that point, he was pretty adept at detecting lies.

That’s why he believed the student when he told him:

“I didn’t do my homework this weekend but I have a really good excuse— I died.”

Apparently (I don’t remember the whole story, it was a long time ago) he got hypothermia (outside, I’m guessing) and his heart actually stopped for a few seconds.

Maybe it was over vacation or something, rather than a weekend— I can’t rightly recall, but it’s a heck of an excuse.

5. That’s my parking spot

I once was out late on a weekend night. When it was time to go home, my car barely started – the battery was very weak. It turned out to be a bad alternator, but at the time I only knew that the car was struggling to get home on a dying battery. We were living in a complex at that time with assigned parking spaces. I crept into the lot, only to find a car in my assigned spot, and no free spots available. It was very late, and there were no lights on in the complex, no indication of who this car might belong to, so I parked behind it, blocking it in. I pulled the battery out and took it inside to hook up to a charger. In the morning, I slept in late, had a leisurely breakfast, then headed out to look at the car. A lady came out of a nearby unit and complained that I was preventing her from leaving. I said that she was in my spot. Her response? “I wouldn’t have been in your spot if you hadn’t blocked me in!” I explained about my car problems and that the battery was charging. That battery took a very long time to charge that day… Eventually I moved and let her leave.

6. Are you actually pregnant?

I had a date with a violinist from a very famous rock band. It was good, pleasant. Afternoon coffee and maybe a sandwich, I don’t recall. I liked her. Very pretty, good listener—was actually intrigued by my tragic life in software. In other words, surprisingly down to earth.

A day or two later I asked her out again. It was just a simple text.

Her reply was that although she liked me, she was heading to Boston the next day to be artificially inseminated. Or start the process. Some kind of process that resulted in a baby, without sex. She said it was probably not a good time to be dating.

My first inclination was to offer my own services at once. Second was, can I date a pregnant woman? Third was, is she just making that up?

I see her on multiple dating apps all the time. I don’t know what happened but I don’t really think she has an infant. 

7. The worst excuse 

I had a coworker who was a compulsive liar, a bad one at that. One day he called in saying he wasn’t able to come to work the next day.

It was just after the 2015 Paris attacks, and he claimed his grandfather had been killed. He was flying to Paris the next day for the memorial service.

He came in for an opening shift the day after that, around 30 hours later. He told us about the memorial service and the numerous places he had visited in France.

No one bothered explaining to him that LA to Paris is an 11 hour flight, a few more for check-in and customs, and had he miraculously found time between he would have been attending the service and visiting the Louvre at 3am.

8. A broken heart

Interview with a mechanical engineer:

Me — You had good grades throughout, and suddenly you got reappear in 6-month training project. What happened?

He — Sir, there were some personal reasons.

Me — If you don’t mind, could you please elaborate.

He — Sir, I had a breakup with a girl whom I liked. So I couldn’t complete it.

Me (Actually got surprised) — But somebody earlier told me that it’s a 2 member project.

He — Sir, that’s the problem actually. My group mate is the new boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend. So I left the project in between.

9. A weird family tradition

I was 15 years old when mutual friends decided to arrange a blind date for a guy and myself. We were both the serious teens in each of our groups, so our friends thought we had a match.

We were scheduled to meet in a cafe one Saturday morning at 11 o’clock. A couple of minutes before the appointment, I received a message that read kind of like this:

“Sorry, I can’t make it. My mother is about to give birth and I need to cut the umbilical cord. Family tradition.”

Kudos for being creative?

10. The Dog threw up

I am closing on my first house tomorrow. My husband left a year or so ago for his affair partner, who was pregnant, so I sold the house with the bad memories.

This is a big occasion for me; and it’s taken a great deal of effort, like climbing a mountain while being shot at while stepping on fire ant hills, because of extenuating circumstances I’ll leave out of this story.

I found out last week that I have to bring a witness, so I asked an acquaintance I trust. I don’t know many people in the area because I was fairly restricted during the marriage for various reasons.

He said no.

His reason, four days in advance?

“My dog is throwing up.”

Pretty sure that is on the same level as “I’m going to be washing my hair.” I was asking for like 30 minutes of time and he was at work. So clearly it wasn’t life-threatening. I have a dog, too. He throws up occasionally.

11. Excuse fail

She walks in late for a 10 AM meeting. “It’s Daylight Saving Time; I forgot to set my clocks.”

Except that this was Wednesday, not Monday.

And, she had had no trouble getting in by 8:30 (her normal start time) on Monday or Tuesday.

And, an hour time change wouldn’t have made her an 90 minutes late.

And… it was the fall change — had she forgotten to change her clocks, she’d have been an hour early, not 90 minutes late!

12. That’s weird

Almost 15 minutes after the beginning of the lesson, a young student of age 13 years knocks at the door of the classroom and asks me if he could get in. We were already taking notes, and most of all everyone knows my “not late” rule.

So he was there with his puppy eyes, looking exhausted and having difficulty catching his breath because he was running his way to school and trying to explain why he was late this morning. It was hard to understand but finally I got this sentence:

“I was on my way and on time but I had to pull all these snails out of the way so that people don’t step on them. I know it’s silly but I hate it when snails get killed like that.”

It was in fact a rainy morning and it was a countryside school.

It was not silly, I have been doing the same since I was a kid and still do it.

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